


you'll always be my favourite

by swimnayeon



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cute Ending, F/F, MiHyun, Rheumatoid Arthritis, doctor!mina, i apologise in advance, mina kept her japanese name, minayeon are adopted, minayeon as the children of jeonghyo, sick jihyo, uwu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:45:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimnayeon/pseuds/swimnayeon
Summary: ever since she was a little girl, myoui mina has only dreamed of becoming the best doctor in all the world.and she will!well, at least that's what her parents jihyo and jeongyeon tell her.ormina has big dreams, supportive parents, and a whole load of ambition.but how on earth is she supposed to become the worlds greatest super doctor if she's lost her best patient?





	1. poorly legs

jeongyeon pushed her wifes wheelchair down the hallways, sighing with relief after the doctor had reassured them that the pain in jihyo’s legs was nothing to she concerned about.  
“so we're gonna get you nice and comfy when we get back, i’ll make you some dinner so you don't go to bed hungry, and then i can put the babies down and we'll have some coupl-”  
“jeongyeon, sweetie you're rambling. i’ve had rheumatoid arthritis since i was four, i know how to handle it”  
jihyo smiled comfortingly, chuckling as jeongyeon blushed.

  
“okay, come on big guy”

jihyo wrapped her arms tightly around her wife's neck, letting the latter hoist her into bed and tuck the blankets round her.

  
“thank you for taking me to the hospital, thanks for cooking, thanks for putting the kids to bed. thanks, yoo jeongyeon, i don't know what id do without you”

  
she sighed, rubbing one finger over jeongyeons cheek.  
both of their eyes were so filled with love for the other that the barely noticed their youngest adopted daughter mina crawl into the bed.  
jihyo suddenly hissed in pain as the girl sat directly on her legs.

  
“HEY, YOU SHOULD BE IN BED YOUNG LADY”

  
jeongyeon yelled angrily, pulling mina away and immediately rushing to jihyos side.

  
“are you okay? if it hurts that badly nayeon can babysit again, i can take you to the hospit-”  
“you're rambling again. im fine, jeongyeonnie, mina baby, come up here, and watch my poorly legs”

  
hesitantly now, mina climbed up again, staying at least a foot away from her mother to avoid accidentally hurting her.

  
“i didn't mean watch them that much, i at least want a cuddle with my little kitten”

  
jihyo used the hand that jeongyeon wasn't clinging to to tug mina into a hug, kissing her fluffy hair and chuckling.

  
“now, did you happen to bring your tools with you today, doctor myoui?”

  
mina chose to keep her japanese name when she moved to korea to live with her new family, but she did sometimes let them call her sharon as a pet name.

  
“i thought you'd never ask”

  
mina giggled, pulling a lunchbox from behind her back and unbuckling it.  
she rummaged around, producing a plastic stethoscope.  
now more relaxed, jeongyeon loosened her grip on jihyos hand.

  
“so mrs park, can you tell me, have you eaten today? slept well? gotten fresh air?”

  
jihyo chuckled.

  
“i have, doctor, i had some delicious dinner, i had a long nap this afternoon, and yes, we went out for a lovely walk this evening”

  
mina hummed in response, pressing the stethoscope to her mothers chest, then to her cheek, then to her nose.

  
“everything’s looking in order, you’ll be glad to know, but i must say that you have-”  
“a bedtime to conform to”  
“mummy doesn’t have a bedtime?”  
“but you do, come on now, school tomorrow”  
“but i’m not done consulting !!”  
“mummy’s okay, nothing to worry about”  
“we can’t be sure until my work is complete”  
“i think we should leave it to your colleagues for tonight, even the biggest and smartest doctors have bedtimes”  
“my colleagues? but ray can’t even hold a thermometer and nurse minguin can’t talk !!”

  
mina stomped her foot, referring to the worn blue penguin plushie clutched in her arms and the family’s dachshund, ray.

  
“well i’m sure we can trust them for now, come on my little doctor girl, let’s go to sleepy land”

  
suddenly half asleep, the tiny girl held her arms out to be carried.  
jeongyeon readily obliged, helping her wave her limp arms at jihyo to say goodnight before carrying her to bed.

  
“goodnight mum”

  
mina muttered.

  
“goodnight mina, the citizens of sleepy land need you to heal their sick ones, i hope you treat them well”

  
her daughter simply nodded tiredly, breathing softly within seconds.  



	2. mummy? (pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if mina wants something, then mina gets something

“can i bring mummy her breakfast?”

mina eyed the platter atop the counter hopefully.

“no.”

these past few days, jeongyeon had been acting strange.  
she wouldn’t let either of the girls see jihyo, and absolutely refused any begs or bribes thrown her way.  
it was taking a toll on their bond as a family.

“but why no-”  
“because i said so, now stop bothering me and do your chores”

mina sighed, watching sadly as her mother snatched the tray and stomped upstairs,   
the grip on the broomstick in the little girl’s hands loosened with defeat.

“hey, little pingu, don’t take it to heart”

her older sister’s calming voice relaxed mina, and she allowed herself to fall backwards into nayeon's arms, dropping the broom completely.

“i just don’t understand why we can’t go and see mummy”

she muttered.

“you know we don’t have normal parents, right?”

mina nodded skeptically.

“mummy’s not very well, we both know that, and mum’s probably very very tired with having to look after her and us and ray,”

she gently squeezed the younger girl’s shoulders.

“and not to mention people think they’re strange because they’re both girls, so no wonder mum’s acting like this, it probably just all caught up to her”

yet mina hardly believed a word and just nodded to be polite.

“hey, don’t give me that, mum’s not just being snappy for the sake of it”

there was a short silence, before mina’s curiosity got the best of her.

“will mummy ever get better?”

she felt nayeon inhale sharply and release her hold.

“that’s not a conversation for me to take on”  
“then who is it for?”  
“maybe mummy herself, but right now i think you should get on with that sweeping if you don’t want mum to be in more of a mood”

and with a ruffle of mina’s hair, nayeon was off.  
but that didn’t mean the japanese girl was about to give up.  
if she wanted to see her mother,  
then maybe she’d have to do it herself.


	3. mummy? (pt2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mina's mission doesn't go quite as planned

her heart was in her throat, and breathing was hardly even on her mind.

mina had to be silent.

_ pin-drop  _ silent, because jeongyeon was only downstairs preparing lunch for them all, nayeon being the diligent older sister and helping, of course.

and mina was on a mission.

she took slow steps towards her parents’ bedroom in slippered feet, holding all the breath in her body at bay until she got to the door.

her ears pricked up when the sound of feet on the stairs appeared and mina swore she’d never felt her heart beat faster.

but turns out it was only nayeon at their mother’s request, retrieving her backpack off the bannister so she could get to her glasses.

mina’s shoulders slumped in relief, and she quickly pulled the handle down, opening the weighted door to her mothers’ room.

  
  


the smell was the first thing to hit her.

strong wafts of medicine and sickness drifted into the small girls nose, and she scrunched it up at the familiarity of the scent.

but that wasn’t enough to stop her from seeing jihyo.

so she tiptoed once more, afraid of waking her mother, until she reached the edge of the bed.

the bed was quite large to accommodate all of jihyo’s treatments and machines and special equipment, but mina didn’t care, her eyes were level with the mattress anyway.

her cheeks crinkled into a smile at the first sight of her mother in three days.

despite strict instruction to always let her rest when she was in a bad way, mina couldn’t quite help herself when she reached out to poke jihyo’s cheek.

  


“mummy!”   


she whispered excitedly, waiting for a reaction.

but she got nothing.

  


“mummy!”

  


she said a bit louder, the grin never leaving her face.

this time jihyo’s eyes fluttered open, landing on her daughters with a groggy slowness.

  


“mina?”   


  


she whispered.

  


“yes mummy! it’s me!”

  


the corners of jihyo’s mouth twitched into a tiny smile, then her eyes fell shut again.

  


“mummy? it isn’t time to go to sleep yet, i wanted to cuddle”   


  


a small pout appeared on mina’s face.

she was  _ far  _ too small to get up there by herself and she usually used nurse minguin as leverage to help her.

but nurse minguin was tucked away in the top of jeongyeons drawers after being confiscated on account of mina throwing her in a tantrum and breaking nayeon's handmade bunny vase.

mina was still mad at that, actually.

the vase was just sitting there in such an open space, how could it be avoided?

and poor nurse minguin did nothing wrong to be stuck in that dark scary drawer all alone.

she probably was crying out for mina right this second.

the small girl gasped, a lightbulb pinging above her head.

  


“i’ll be back in a second, mummy, i’ve just got to fetch something”

  


she placed a small kiss on the tips of her first and second fingers and pressed it against jihyo’s cheek.

the drawer wasn’t really all that tall since it was designed for jihyo to reach from her wheelchair, yet still the very top one was just above the tip of mina’s ponytail.

she bit her lip, losing hope by the second, until jihyo’s special footstool caught her eye.

it was rested on a set of four wheels, making it easy to push in front of the drawers.

mina hadn’t even realised that she could’ve just used that to get up to the bed.

  


“i’m coming to rescue you, nurse minguin!”   


  


she exclaimed, determination lacing her speech.

but upon the first step up that energy faltered.

it was a little scary, she wasn’t gonna sugar coat it, but nurse minguin called for her.

and myoui mina was no quitter.

so she placed her second foot down and hoisted herself up, the wheels trembling dangerously.

the drawer was just underneath her chin now.

she was so close to her goal.

but the sound of plates being set out downstairs still worried her as to how much time she had left.

  


“deep breaths”

  


is what she’d overhead jeongyeon telling nayeon whenever she had one of her episodes.

it seemed to always calm the older girl.

so mina tried it.

  


“deep breaths”   


  


she muttered to herself as she slid the draw open.

  


“deep breaths”

  


she said once more as nurse minguins jet black eyes shone up at her.

her hands reached in, but just as she reclaimed what was rightfully hers.

  


“mina?”  


  


jihyo had been watching the whole thing with increasing worry growing in her stomach.

the little girl spun around in shock.

  


“mummy!”   


  


her smile began to return, but then the inevitable happened.

the wheels on the stool finally gave out, slipping from beneath her.

  


“mina!”

  


but jihyo’s shocked call had no impact, since the child had already dropped to the floor with a terrified scream.

she lay there, trembling, for a few seconds, before registering the way two fingers on her right hand were bent in the complete wrong direction.

then began the wailing.

  


“mina, baby, don’t worry, mummy’s coming”   


  


but mina herself was too caught up to notice what that meant.

  


“i-it’s okay, i’ll, i’ll be there in a second”

  


jihyo heaved, dragging herself out of the bed.

she knew it wasn’t safe.

she should’ve just called for jeongyeon.

she hadn’t been out of bed in three days yet she was now going to try and rescue her injured child.

but park jihyo was no quitter.

unless it came to her legs.

because the next thing she knew, she too was collapsed on the floor, pain shooting through her lower body and tears in her eyes.

the most she could do was crawl.

  


“jihyo!”   


  


the door burst open, and it was the last thing jeongyeon had wanted to see.

she dropped to her knees beside her wife, immediately trying to help her back to bed.

  


“n-no, jeongyeon, mina, mina’s h-hurt”

  


jihyo managed to point a shaky finger to their crying daughter, who jeongyeon momentarily turned her head towards.

  


“NAYEON!”

  


she yelled, and her eldest child almost straight away fell through the doorway.  


  


“oh my god”

  


she whispered.

  


“there’s no use standing there, calm your sister down and call the ambulance!”   


  


nayeon nodded, pressing her eyes to get rid of the tears before shakily dialling the number on her phone, one arm wrapped around mina's tremoring shoulders.

  


“jihyo, jihyo please calm down”

  


jeongyeon begged, carefully attempting to lift jihyo back into the bed.

  


“hello? please i need an ambulance,”

  


mina’s screaming only got worse at the mention of her least favourite place.

  


“not until you make sure our daughter is okay!”

  


“hyo, you aren’t well, lay down for me”

  


“my little sister broke her fingers, a-and my mum isn’t well”

  


all mina had wanted was to see jihyo and get nurse minguin back.

she hadn’t meant for any of this to happen.

suddenly nayeon hung up the phone, jeongyeon stopped panicking, and jihyo stopped yelling.

then,

  


“jeong?”   


  


“yes?”   


  


“i can’t feel my legs”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet i'm sorry


	4. mummy? (pt3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes a sister is all you need

“i’m sorry”

  
was the only thing mina could bring herself to say.  
anything else and the building tears would’ve spilled over.

“it isn’t your fault, pet, just a silly little accident”

the nurse said brightly, setting the last of mina’s finger cast into place before giving a slight nod.  
mina was alone.  
with jihyo in pain in the emergency room and jeongyeon by her side, plus nayeon being attended to for a nasty panic attack that knocked her unconscious, mina had nobody.  
none of her precious family even knew she was sorry.

she’d just been saying the same thing to this dumb nurse who wouldn’t stop smiling.

“now, can you tell me if it hurts, poppet?”

_i’m not your poppet_  
mina wanted to growl.  
but she didn’t, knowing it would only get her into more trouble later on.

“no.”

was what she eventually settled on.

“very good! would you like a lollipop?”

she didn’t answer, but apparently in nurse language that meant yes, so mina had a lollipop shoved between her teeth before she could even blink.  
it was cola flavoured.  
mina’s least favourite.

“looks like we’ve got some time to kill! would you like to have a chat?”

at that point mina wanted to swear, but she was only eight and had a feeling that would alarm the stupid nurse.

“about what?”

“what would you like to be when you grow up?”

“a doctor.”

mina sighed through gritted teeth.

“is that so? are you aware of how much school you’ve got to do? mind you, i doubt such a little brain can handle all those big numbers”

the nurse chuckled, thinking she was all that.

“to become a doctor in the uk you would need four to seven years of medical school, two years of foundation school, and five to eight years of specialty training”

mina responded with a stony face.

“now excuse me, i have to go and find my big sister”

she hopped down from the bed, bowing her head politely before collecting nurse minguin and stepping out into the corridor.

 

 

 

 

  
in all honesty, mina was completely lost.  
she’d taken turns upon turns and stumbled down corridors after corridors, and now her fingers were starting to hurt.  
this day could not get any worse  
was all that floated through her tiny mind.  
look, mina was tired, in pain, confused, and frankly felt quite sick from the familiar smell of disinfectant and disease.

“mummy”

she called out weakly, tears beginning to pool at the top of her chubby cheeks.

“mum”

but the hallways just echoed empty reflections of her own misery.  
mina finally gave in.

“n-nayeonnie”

when nobody answered, when nobody came to pick her up and kiss her poorly fingers all better, when nobody was there to tell little mina that it was all okay, that none of this was her fault, she sank to the floor and cried.  
she cried into nurse minguins soft felt and sat until her legs were numb.  
yet nobody came.  
the poor thing was destined to spend eternity weeping on that cold hard hospital flo-

“mina?”

the new voice made her snap out of it, turning to this stranger with wide eyes.  
but the sight of who turned out to be no stranger made mina’s face crumple and fresh tears start falling.

“come here, sweetheart”

nayeon opened her arms and hoisted her baby sister up on her hip.

“why are you out here all alone? don’t your fingers hurt horribly? where’s that bloody nurse gotten to? letting such a small child run around on her own, ought to teach her a lesson”

“‘m not small”

mina stuttered through a runny nose.

“big kids don’t sit hugging their toys in the corridor whilst crying for their mummy”

nayeon raised one eyebrow, smiling reassuringly at the younger girl.

“some of them might”

mina argued pathetically.

“and you aren’t one of them! now come on, let’s go and see mummy”

she started to walk towards the ER, but nerved suddenly bubbled in mina’s stomach.

“wait.”

“what is it?”

the japanese girl swallowed the thick lump in her throat.

“what if mummy looks all scary like she did that day after your birthday? like with all them wires and when she’s sleeping all the time?”

even nayeon’s eyes looked a little glassy at that.

“no, no i’m pretty sure she’s okay, mum rang me and said it was just the shock of her fall and the fear of you being hurt that made her go numb”

she spoke rapidly, and more like she was trying to comfort herself more than anything else.  
mina thought quickly.  
 _what calms nayeon down..._

“deep breaths, nayeonnie”

she meant it completely seriously, but all she got was a quizzical look and a slight show of nayeon’s prominent teeth.

“what?”

suddenly very shy, mina fiddled with nurse minguin’s flipper, refusing to make eye contact.  
she mumbled something, though it was horribly incomprehensible.

“speak up, sharon”

“mum always tells you to take deep breaths whenever you get one of your attacks, so, so i thought it made you calm down”

and just like that nayeon burst into a fit of laughter. it went on for a hot minute before she finally drew it to a close, freeing one hand at a time to wipe the tears from her eyelids.

“god, you’re such a sweetheart”

and mina received many secretly wonderful kisses all over her face, despite the whines and protests she actually put across.  
then they fell into a short, comfortable silence.

“sometimes i think about how screwed i would be if you weren’t my baby sister”

mina scrunched her nose up in mock disgust, but could barely control the gummy smile that pulled her cheeks apart soon after.

“and i don’t like i’d like being here as much if i didn’t have you”

nayeon just chuckled, gently pressing her cheek into the top of mina’s head.

“i think i’m ready”

the youngest one spoke.

“to see mummy?”

mina nodded bravely.

“okay then,”

they both took deep breaths in.

“let’s go, pingu”


	5. stroke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she's gonna make it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the angst starts

“my name is mina myoui, i’m from japan but i grew up here in london, and when i get older i hope to become a doctor so i can help sick people like my mother”

mina bowed to her new class, trembling with fear after giving her introduction to the judgemental eleven year olds.

someone in the middle row, with a label on her lunchbox that said ‘holly’, raised her hand.

“why is your mum sick?”

mina hated it when people brought it up, but it was a reasonable question, so most of the time she just let it slide and answered it with as much positivity and optimism as she could muster.

“she, uhm, she has this thing called rheumatoid arthritis.”

“what’s that?”

“rheumatoid arthritis is a long-term condition that causes pain, swelling and stiffness in the joints”

god she felt like she’d repeated that definition to numskulls like these other year sevens millions of times. but just as the questions died down and mina went to go and sit back down,-

“mina, we need to go, there’s something wrong with mum”

nayeon burst into the door with no warning, sending a shiver of fear to mina’s spine.

just the fact that nayeon would come running all the way from the sixth form block across the road, not even ask a lady at reception to go and get mina for her, and just come slamming in like that meant something _terrible_ must’ve happened.  
all the members of the class stared at either one of the sisters, sensing tension at the topic of concern.

“what?”

“for god’s sake i got a text from jeongyeon that said jihyo had a bad turn, we need to go”

without a second thought as to what people would have to say and the fact that she had said their parents’ real names instead of just ‘mum’ or ‘mummy’, mina ran, shoving past nayeon and every one of the kids crowding the halls.  
nayeon quickly grabbed her sister’s bag for her, chasing after the younger girl.  
but mina wouldn’t slow down.  
the hospital her mother always stayed in was a few streets away, easy running distance.

and thank god it was raining, otherwise mina’s already tear stained cheeks would’ve been way too obvious.

 

 

 

 

 

mina fell through the front entrance first, drenched from the rain, and nayeon followed soon after, dumping both their bags on the floor and resting her head on the reception desk.

“mina? nayeon? are you two here to see your mother?”

the receptionist had known the girls since they were young, since jihyo brought them to every check up she had until they started despising the smell of the disinfectant, the squeak of the staff’s shoes against the polished floors, the grave look on the faces of the sick and the suffering.  
now they only came if something really bad happened.

“yes, _please_ ”

“okay, she’s in room three forty nine, but i want the both of you not to panic, she may look a bit funny from what i imagine, and she most likely isn’t awake, but i can promise you she is alive, she can hear you”

she gave them a reassuring smile then let them run off with their bags in hand.  
they paused to squirt the regulation disinfectant onto their hands, before bursting into the room.  
jeongyeon was there, clinging to one of jihyo’s hands with tears in her eyes.

“girls”

she muttered, standing up and pulling them both into a soft hug.  
they each received a firm kiss on their heads, fighting their own fresh tears.

“it’s going to be okay, my babies, she’s going to pull through”

she whispered, almost sounding like she was trying to reassure herself more than the kids.

“m-mum?”

nayeon stuttered.

“yes?”

“what happened?”

jeongyeon looked pained the second the question left her lips.  
she invited the two to sit down, then retook jihyos hand, looking like she would rather die than let it go.

“it’s her arthritis. a complication of it is vasculitis”

“what’s that?”

“it’s something wher-”

“it’s the thickening, weakening, narrowing and scarring of blood vessel walls. it can affect blood flow to organs and tissues in severe cases”

all eyes went, surprised, to mina.

“where did you learn that?”

“i want to be a doctor.”

despite the girl being dead serious, jeongyeon couldn’t help but chuckle.

“you haven’t changed”

mina looked at her feet, and nayeon laid a hand comfortingly on her knee.

“what did the vasculitis do?”

“girls, i need you to stay calm, for yourselves and for her”

“mum?”

“we’re all gonna get through this together”

“stop it, what’s wrong?”

“your mother had a stroke”

and it was at that point that mina decided she would not rest until she had made a breakthrough in rheumatology.

she didn’t care how.

or when.

_but i’m gonna make it, mummy_

she thought to herself.

_for you, and for all of us_


	6. bad dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the five stages of grief;  
> 1.[denial]  
> 2.anger  
> 3.bargaining  
> 4.depression  
> 5.acceptance

_it's all just a bad dream_

mina kept telling herself

but it had been days since she’d even moved.  
her neck was undoubtedly gonna cause her agony when she did.  
but all she could think about was how quickly it had all happened.  
one minute mina was kissing her parents goodbye on her first day of school, the next she had silent tears dripping off her face as a pale white hospital sheet was pulled up to cover jihyo’s lifeless face.

 

the nights after were the worst.  
listening to jeongyeon sobbing for hours at a time into jihyo’s pillow, often whispering past regrets of not spending enough time with her whilst she was here like she would somehow be able to hear her, hearing ray whine and howl from lack of attention and change of environment, the sound of meaningless condolences dropping through the letterbox from strangers who’d claimed to have known mina and nayeon since they were babies.  
but that didn’t make any sense.  
how could they have known baby nayeon when she only moved to london at the age of six?  
these people were either stupid, liars, or fake.  
mina had her money on all three.

 

but the most painful part of it all was coming right from the room next door.

mina was forced to stay silent, listening as nayeon had panic attack after panic attack, screaming and crying and hyperventilating, yet nobody went to help her.  
jeongyeon could hardly move herself, and mina couldn’t bring herself to face up to it.  
she couldn’t bear to see her big strong unnie so weak and vulnerable, because that meant it was real.  
it meant she had to accept and admit that her mother was dead.  
that jihyo was no longer gonna be there after a hard day, waiting with one of her famous hugs and comforting whispers.  
that she’d lost her favourite patient.  
and then what?


	7. emotionless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the five stages of grief;
> 
> 1.denial  
> 2.[anger]  
> 3.bargaining  
> 4.depression  
> 5.acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst!

“park jihyo, beloved wife, sister, mother, and daughter”

  
_all these people do is lie_  
jihyo was far from a beloved sister or daughter.  
her family hated her, they’d kicked her out when she said she had a girlfriend and refused to pay a penny for her medical needs.  
they refused to come to her wedding, denied any offers of meeting mina and nayeon, and now couldn’t even be bothered to show up for her fucking _funeral_.

still, mina drowned out the sound of the priest, fiddling with her skirt to distract herself.  
the funeral air was musty.  
nayeon had her head in her hands beside her, crying in great, heaving sobs and trembling.  
to mina’s left jeongyeon was sat, looking straight ahead with glassy eyes.  
she wasn’t focusing on the priest either.  
she was just trying so hard to stay strong for the two of them.  
mina didn’t feel anything.  
she was numbed by the pain.  
the one person who had supported her dream with everything she had despite already giving up so much to raise her and nayeon was gone.  
the person who had been the reason for mina’s dream was gone.  
and now she didn’t know what to do.

  
“and now, the eulogy”

there was a silence, before jeongyeon stood up and walked smartly over to the podium.

  
“my wife.”

she started off, and already loud sobs echoed throughout the room. yet still, mina felt nothing.

“she loved most people. i’m not going to lie about her and say she loved and was loved by everyone she met, because she wasn’t and she didn't. some people disliked her, bullied her even, and she disliked them back, with a burning passion. but they don’t matter. who matters are the ones she chose to love and the ones who chose to love her back. jihyo and i chose to honour and love two strong little girls in late 2007. one hailing from japan, the other from our home country of south korea, and thank god they chose to love us back, even when we brought them here to dreary old london”

there was a pause, and some slight sad chuckles from across the room.  
mina stayed silent.

“i remember when we first brought mina back from japan. we’d just picked up six year old nayeon a week before from a seoul orphanage, and she had never been on a airplane, so naturally we had a crying child and a screaming baby to deal with. i’m almost certain everyone there hated us with a passion”

more broken laughter.

“but something happened. we couldn’t take mina home ourselves, because jihyo had a flare up of her arthritis on the plane. we had to call an ambulance to the airport and have a close friend of mine come and collect the kids. it was heartbreaking, having to spend the day in a hospital room instead of with our kids who needed us. we’ve always been sorry for that, and jihyo blamed herself a lot of the time. she loved those kids so much she was willing to take full blame for doing nothing wrong.”

the tears were long fallen and jeongyeon struggled to stay together.

“now i’ll repeat myself, she loved most people. i’m not going to lie and say she was loved by and loved everyone she met. some people disliked her, hated her even, and she disliked them back, with a burning passion. but they don’t matter. who matters are the ones she chose to love and the ones who chose to love her back. and since she chose to love everyone in this room, let us all honour her today, and although she may be gone, she left with the knowledge we chose to love her back. so, park jihyo, you godforsaken son of a bitch, i love you with all my heart, and although the selfish part of me is angry at you for leaving me and the girls so soon, i know you if you’d stayed you would’ve been living in pain. i love you, and thank you for some of the best moments of my life.”

there was a sorrowful clap, and nayeon took their mother’s hand and held it tight when she got back.  
mina didn’t move.  
everybody began to stand, preparing for the burial.

“mina, i know it hurts, but you gotta be strong, for mummy”

nayeon took her sisters hand, but mina merely brushed it away.

“go. i’ll be out soon”  
“but you’ll miss th-”  
“i’ll know when to leave in time, now go”

with a shake of her head nayeon followed after the crowd.  
soon mina was alone.  
nothing but the empty pews and her thoughts.  
she tried to see how long it would be before she cracked.  
answer was,  
one tear.  
two tears.  
 _not long at all_  
a whole waterfall pouring from her eyes ensued and it became impossible to keep it in any longer.  
but then she said something she never thought she’d say.

  
“I HATE YOU”

she yelled, collapsing again into more sobs before standing up and kicking the pew in front of her.

“why would you leave me when i already have nothing”

she whispered to where the coffin sat five minutes ago.

“i’m a fucking orphan and one of the only parents i’ve ever known has the audacity to abandon me like this”

mina knew what she was saying was unfair and extremely selfish, but she couldn’t help it.  
she couldn’t help the fact she was now facing a whole lifetime without the person who meant the most to her in all the world.

“mina?”

nayeons voice interrupted, reminding mina of all those painful years ago when she had been crying alone in that hospital corridor with broken fingers and a head full of regrets.  
and then nayeon sighed upon seeing her younger sister bent to her knees in the aisle, digging her nails into the floor.

“what.”

her voice was cold and sharp, cutting through nayeon like a knife.

“they're about to bury her.”

the pain in her sisters voice wasn't what made mina snap.  
it was the sudden realisation that  
 _this is it_  
and she slammed through the church doors, leaving a bewildered nayeon to chase after her just like she had the day of jihyo's fatal stroke.  
mina came to a halt at the edge of the crowd.  
 _im coming, mummy_  
she thought determinedly,  
 _im coming for you_  
and she shoved her way past everyone, finally letting more and more tears fall.

“STOP, STOP IT NO YOU CAN’T BURY HER”  
mina screamed, and nayeon caught up, pulling her sister back by the waist.

“mina calm down”

she whispered soothingly, but the girl didn't listen.  
instead she kept fighting it, pulling against nayeon's wrists with all her might.  
jeongyeon stepped in all of a sudden, pulling mina from her other daughters grip and holding her close.

“breathe, angel, breathe”

mina gave in, landing weak punches to her mother's chest before burying her head in the crisp linen shirt she had on.  
and as they buried jihyo six feet underground, mina had one thing on her mind.  
 _im going to stop any family from ever going through what we went through_  
tears dropped to the ground as the last bits of earth were laid flat.  
 _once and for all_

 


	8. deep breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the five stages of grief
> 
> 1.denial  
> 2.anger  
> 3.[bargaining]  
> 4.depression   
> 5.acceptance 
> 
> nayeon's last resort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i feel like nayeon deserves a chapter to herself

_“please! please i’ll do anything, just make it stop, go back in time, wake me up from this fucking stupid dream”_

  
nayeon had had anxiety since she could remember.  
the doctors said it was because of how she was treated by her father before being put up for adoption.  
but that was ten years ago.  
how would her dad wishing horrors upon his youngest daughter and threatening to kill her so many times still affect her now, when she was sixteen and had practically forgotten about it?

“i don’t care what i have to do, just make it _stop_ ”

  
nayeon cried, her third attack of the evening setting in as she knelt at the foot of the tree.  
to any passerby, it just looked like a poor heartbroken teenager taking a rest to cool off, but it was more than that.  
god it was so much more.

that tree was planted by a person besides mina, besides jeongyeon, besides jihyo, that nayeon chose to call her family.  
her big sister.  
her _real_ sister.

for two days just after nayeon was adopted, they flew her sister's new family out to london so the two could spend some time together.

then joohyun got the idea to plant a tree.

so they took their spades, went down to the grass patch behind tesco's with their precious little sapling, chattering happily in their mother tongue, and got to work.

it'd been twelve years since they were split up, and that was still the only time she'd seen her in person since.

nayeon still remembers her vividly, etched into her memory as nayeon’s role model.  
joohyun was small, with glittery eyes and a cold stare, which she developed in order to tranquilise the big angry men that terrified the living daylights out of her sister.  
being separated from her was like a knife to the heart.

but that’s not the point.

 

 

joohyun had long since stopped contacting nayeon, even going so far as to change all her details, and nayeon had stopped bothering by now, but tonight, she needed joohyun to be on her side.

even if she had no idea who jihyo was

so she begged.  
she took her last resort and begged to the only other person she’d ever known to believe in god.  
all nayeon wanted was to wake up from whatever nightmare she was living, whatever hell she was being forced through.  
joohyun had believed that god could fix everything, so for one brief, wild moment, nayeon believed it too.  
although the older girl was most likely still living, not yet ascending the stairwell to heaven, she’d always drummed it into nayeon that she had some sort of personal hotline to jesus or something.  
at the least joohyun could pass on a message for her.

“excuse me? are you okay?”

  
a foreign voice halted her prayers, and she turned to them with a knife like glare, clearly unhappy with the disruption.  
she didn’t answer them.

  
“is there anyone i could call? to come and get you?”

  
about to let down her guard and surrender to a weak

 

_‘yes’_

 

nayeon thought about her mum.

 

her mum forcing herself out of bed, despite the weight of the world on her shoulders, and sprinting down here just for nayeon.  
she thought of mina, dear, sweet little mina, breaking her spell of metaphorical paralysis and racing down the stairs and out the door, barefoot in the rain with a head full of worry on top of everything else.  
 _how could she be so selfish?_  
nayeon hadn’t even given her family a second thought when she’d left the house in a panicked mess earlier.  
which brought on fresh new tears right then, and nayeon forgot all about joohyun and the stupid tree and the prayers.  
joohyun was as good as dead in that moment.  
she wasn’t gonna do shit for nayeon right now.

  
“please, let me help you up, get you someplace warm”

  
it wasn’t until the stranger laid a hand on nayeon’s arm did she react.

  
“DON’T TOUCH ME”

she sounded crazy and manic, but sensory overload was a common side effect of whatever jumble was happening in her brain.  
she couldn’t help it.  
nayeon almost felt bad for the poor man when he jumped back and almost fell into a puddle from shock.  
 _almost_

  
“i-i’m just trying to help-”

“YOU CAN’T, YOU FUCKING IDIOT”

nayeon knew she was acting insane.  
but she had to take it out on someone.  
she would’ve gone further, eyes already fuming as she prepared to scream more of her pain onto this stranger who was only trying to help.  
then she was buried in someone’s shoulder, and tiny arms wrapped around her waist.  
they pulled her back, clinging to her tightly until the fire died down.

“deep breaths, yeonnie, deep breaths”

she’d know that voice anywhere.

“mum”

was all she could whimper, collapsing into jeongyeon’s embrace.

“i’m sorry, mister, but could you please go away?”

mina asked kindly from behind nayeon.  
the poor man didn’t have to think twice.

“you’re okay, sweets, you’re okay”

the soft whispers were all nayeon needed to bring her back down to earth.

“why were you out here?”

“it doesn’t matter”

mina knew better than to push her big sister any further.

“do you want to go home?”

that was a pointless question, because by now nayeon was soaked through from rain, the shaking and crying only getting worse.  
then a hand made it’s way to her own, and mina gave her a tiny smile.

“please” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k i n d of badly written but


	9. stuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the five stages of grief
> 
> 1.denial  
> 2.anger  
> 3.bargaining  
> 4.[depression]  
> 5.acceptance
> 
>  
> 
> mina doesn't see the point

mina was stuck.

stuck in the never ending pleads from her mother and sister to eat or get up or have a bath or have some water.

did she ever listen?

_haha_  
she laughed in her head, a tear dropping down   
_fuck no._

 

 

 

 

they also tried physically forcing her to go to school.  
but she just relaxed, her weight becoming too heavy for jeongyeon or nayeon and forcing them to give up.

 

 

_school_  
it was almost like a long gone dream for mina.  
right now she’d be sitting in her year seven spanish lesson, pointlessly reciting verbs she’d never remember nor need when she was finally old and rich enough to move mina and jeongyeon back to korea, the country they’d so reluctantly left to start better lives.  
that was, if she could leave her bed.  
mina could barely force herself up before, now it was like if she moved she would burst into tears.  
the sun rose, mina lay with her knees curled up to her chest and her hands folded beside her mouth, the sun set, and of course she hadn’t changed.

“angel, please”

  
jeongyeon would beg, holding a bite of mina’s favourite melonpan to her lips, yet the girl wouldn’t eat.

_what was the point?_

all it did was make her nauseous, slightly guilty even, because who was she to eat a bowl of cereal or a melonpan, when her precious mother was probably missing them all horribly up in heaven?

it was a stupid way to think, and mina knew that somewhere in the back of her mind, but there was nothing to stop her from it since she’d lost all common sense.

a house doctor had come, since mina couldn’t get up, and said she was depressed, anorexic, and malourished.  
it almost made the girl laugh.

of _course_ she was all of those things, what idiot couldn’t see that?

for god’s sake she didn’t want to wake up in the mornings, think about food, do _anything_ anymore,  
by that point it was no more than a self diagnosis.

then the doctor left.

and mina was stuck again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, badly written, but yeet


	10. one whole year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the five stages of grief;
> 
> 1.denial  
> 2.anger  
> 3.bargaining  
> 4.depression  
> 5.[acceptance]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u may wanna whip out google translate for this one

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"LANGUAGE, NAYEON PARK!"

"you're taking aaaagggesss, nayeonnnnn"

the bathroom door suddenly slammed open, startling mina who'd been sitting on the floor outside waiting for her sister to finish, and nayeon was there, red in the face and fuming.

mina didn't realise what was wrong.

until she looked up.

"oh my god"

was all she could get out.

her big sisters hair, nayeon's beautiful waterfall of dark brown hair, was now shining a painfully bright red.

"don't"

nayeon sternly hissed as mina stifled a giggle.

"GIRLS? IS EVERYTHING OKAY UP THERE?"

jeongyeon called from upstairs.

"NO"  


immediately their mother was running up the stairs, terrified it was something bad.

"lord what is it? what's wrong? are you hurt?"

"MY POOR HAIR"

nayeon cried out the obvious, sobbing noisily all of a sudden.

"oh my god"  
  


jeongyeon shadowed mina's exact response, to which nayeon didn't take too happily.

"SHUT UP, IT WAS  _SUPPOSED_ TO BE HONEY MIST AUBURN"

"well honey, you certainly _missed_ auburn big time"

a pair of furious eyes bore a hole in jeongyeon's head as she simply smiled proudly at her own horrible joke.

then, nayeon let out an ear piercing, bone shattering scream.

  


\-- "i want to have a talk with you two"

jeongyeon said into the hallway.

the first door to her left opened up, and mina's curious head popped out with one eyebrow raised.

"about what?"  
  


she mumbled, stepping out properly.

"nothing bad, just go downstairs and wait for us there"

jeongyeon let mina past with a gentle kiss on her head, then went to tackle the beast.

"nayeon come on"  
  


"no."  
  


"i'll let you choose what i wear tomorrow"

  


" _no._ "

  


god nayeon was  _really_ adamant about this hair colour.

  


"nayeon please, it's important"

  


"mum i said n-"

  


"지효를 위해서?"

  


there was nothing but silence from the room.

  


"nayeon?"

  


the door opened, and there she stood, a baseball cap and hoodie covering the offending hair and eyes wide with an unreadable emotion.

  


"you've never spoken to me in korean before."

  


"i wanted us all to focus on our english, me and jihyo promised it," jeongyeon sighed "it was a shame mina was too young to have started talking in japanese at that point, she always used to get mad that she wasn't bilingual like the rest of us"

  


"you could've taught her korean."  
  


"we wanted her to be true to where she really came from, but could never find anyone to teach her japanese, and we were pretty hopeless teachers"

  


"i haven't spoken korean in years"  
  


"why not let's give it a try? we're both focused enough on english at this point, anyway, and i'll treat it as an apology for not letting you all these years"

  


nayeon cracked at the sight of her mother's caring hint of a smile, and at the painfully sweet memories of her home country (well, not all sweet, but the little moments she had there (mainly with joohyun) counted).

she had always loved the way her mother tongue rolled off the lips, the sharp and soft edges of the alphabet, the pronunciation and the emphasis and the incredible untranslatable phrases that only made sense to those who spoke it.

sure, english was good, and knowing stopped most racist remarks from being thrown at the family -  _most_ \- but nayeon couldn't deny that she'd always favour her home language over anything.

but nobody ever gave her a chance to speak it, jeongyeon was too scared of her precious girls getting ridiculed by the harsh streets of south london to let her, and nayeon couldn't be bothered to deal with mina's whining because she wouldn't be able to understand.

and here was her mother,  _offering_ it to her.

  


"엄마"

  


she weakly mumbled, falling into jeongyeon's arms and releasing a breath she felt like she'd been holding for eleven years.

  


"내 아기"

  


they stayed like that, in comfortable silence, as jeongyeon gently swayed side to side, before remembering that they'd left mina alone without context downstairs.

  


"come on now"

  


accidentally going back to english by force of habit, jeongyeon began to pull nayeon's hood and hat off.

the girl grabbed at her mothers wrists in panic, alert suddenly.

  


"그것은 아름답게 보인다."

  


"확실합니까?"

 

"당연하지."

 

nayeon decided to trust her, and let her rose red hair fall once more around her shoulders.

  


"come on then, pretty girl, we can practice some more later, but i think for now we'd better go reassure your sister that we haven't evaporated off the face of the earth."

  


nayeon grinned with so much gratitude at her mother, then followed her downstairs.

  


  

 

  


  


\----------- turns out, jeongyeon's 'little talk' was something both girls were ready for.

  


“today really marks the day”

  
nayeon sighed, following jeongyeon and mina’s eyes to the empty chair at the head of the table.

  
“one whole year”

  
jeongyeon smiled weakly.

  
“one whole year”

  
echoed mina, staring into her lemonade.  


“would you two like to say anything?”  


the two girls stayed silent, staring at one another, each waiting for the other to take the offer.  
nayeon eventually got sick of the quiet.  


“do you guys still have dreams about her too?”  


that shocked the other two.  
they thought they were the only ones  
a slow nod came from mina, and she looked away in shame.  
jeongyeon stopped playing with her sleeves, and nayeon slid a hand across the table towards mina’s, holding it gently.  


“what are they about?”  


mina needed some gentle encouragements, but she managed to get it out eventually.  


“she’s always back in her bed, and i’m always facing her from the floor, and my fingers are all bent and broken, but she’s not reacting, like i’m yelling and shouting for her but she won’t look at me”  


nayeon and jeongyeon both sucked in their breath, remembering the infamous day when mina was eight and had broken two of the fingers on her right hand in an attempt to retrieve her long lost nurse minguin.  
 __

_god, nurse minguin_

the poor toy had been under mina’s bed ever since jihyo’s passing, since all it did for her was bring back painful memories.

 _maybe i should bring her back out, for old time’s sake_  
mina thought, with a gentle smile.

“what are yours about?”  


nayeon adjusted herself in her seat, looking up to her sister with a reassuring look.

“it changes a lot, but the most frequent one is when it’s just her alone, not me, and she looks so happy”  


just that sentence alone gave jeongyeon a euphoric warmth.  


“she’s smiling, she’s laughing, she’s even running, as in, no wheelchair, no crutches, nothing, it’s just jihyo laughing and chasing clouds on her own”  


“even mum’s not there?”  


“alone.”  


they smiled at that.  
 __

_at least jihyo wasn’t hurting over in dreamland_   



	11. girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mina met a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mihyun!
> 
>  
> 
> and the following chapters will just be regular snippets of mina's everyday life, not involving jihyo as much since she's older

mina met a girl.  
usually mina never met _any_ body, she never really was the one to speak to people.  
but it didn’t bother her.  
she didn’t need to pretend to get on with the people who made offhanded racist comments whenever she walked in the room or made fun of her family or pulled their eyes downwards in a malicious impersonation of her race.  
but she didn’t have to pretend with this girl.  
mina had chosen music gcse, and her class was completely different to the one she’d mostly been in for the past three years.  
not that it mattered.  
she didn’t think she would make any friends anyway.

“hi! do you need a partner?”

her voice was gentle, but mina could hear the loud energy she was holding in the back of her throat.

“no.”

it seemed rude, but mina was so used to denying people if she didn’t feel like talking.  
that day she felt like collapsing.

“oh, uhm, sorry, but there’s kind of no other seats, you see, i come from a group of three, and they sort of chose to be a pair without me, so i-”  
“stop rambling and sit down then, i can’t exactly say no.”

"i'm dahyun!"

"mina."

with a blush creeping up her neck and spreading to her pale cheeks, dahyun pulled a chair up next to mina.  
they sat in silence, but mina could tell that dahyun was desperate to make conversation, to let out some of that energy that had her tapping her leg and fiddling with her pen.  
mina sighed.  
 _fine_  
“where are you from?”  
dahyun clearly panicked.

“o-oh? you mean like, my family? or me? my ethnicity? like, my nationality? or-”  
“both.”

she exhaled, smiling gently.

“my parents are korean both by ethnicity and nationality, so is my big brother, but i was born in liverpool and raised in london.”

mina nodded politely, though she hardly cared, just pitied the poor girl.

“how about you?”

_there it is_

that question was innocent enough, but mina hated explaining the whole complicated history, so she usually just went with

“japan.”  
“cool! my best friend was from japan!”  
“was?”

but the way dahyun’s eyes glistened and her throat bobbed signalled mina to abort mission.

“never mind.”

“so were you born in japan and moved here or are just your parents japanese?”

the people that made mina japanese had no business taking the title of her parents.

“my parents are korean.”

dahyuns eyebrows furrowed, and she ignored the start of the lesson going on behind them.

“but how-”  
“look, it’s complicated”  
“ah,”

the younger girl lowered her head.

“i’m sorry”  
“don’t be, just watch out”  
“watch out? for what?”  
“here they come”  
“here who-”  
“there’s two of them!”

yelled one of the boys in charge of taunting poor mina.

“what is he talking about?”

dahyun whispered, but mina just sighed.

“racist jokes against asians, it happens sometimes”

she drowned out the boys easily enough, but couldn’t help but shuffle closer to dahyun when she saw the fear in her eyes when they moved on to her.  
dahyun had skipped a year in music, due to being so good with the cello and piano and her perfect pitch, she was the baby in the class.  
she couldn’t possibly handle them on her own.  
mina shifted uncomfortably when her eyes landed on the two that dahyun called her friends.  
they were giggling as they watched the boys pull their eyes back in a cruel mockery of her monolid, pointing when dahyun was lost for words.  
 _damn caucasians_  
mina shook her head, instead looking at the sheet music for her flute piece.  
she probably should’ve stood in and helped dahyun.  
but mina wasn’t the one to speak to people.


	12. boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the sisters both cross the metaphorical line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst?

  
“do you ever think about your real family?”

  
it was a casual, offhand comment that mina just blurted out whilst playing elsword, but it caught nayeon completely off guard.  
the older girl tensed up, her hands immediately going damp.

  
“you are my real family.”

nayeon prayed mina would drop it there.

“no like, your _real_ family, you know the ones from korea”

_fuck_

“no. of course i don’t. why would i?”

mina took her hands off the keyboard and raised them in mock surprise, but quickly cursed when she realised that allowed her to get killed in the game.

“it’s just a question.”

there was a silence, and nayeon thanked god that it was finally over.  
she returned to her tumblr, mina returned to her game, and for a while they sat in silence whilst nayeon cooled off.  
it was going great, back to normal.  
but mina was terrible at sensing when to stop.

“why don’t you just call joohyun? see how she’s doing or whatever.”

that was nayeon’s last and final straw.

“shut up”  
“what’s up with you? i just think it would be a smart idea to get into contact with her again”  
“i said shut _up_ ”

mina rolled her eyes.

“are you on your period or something? one phone call, that’s all”  
“quit going on about it,”

she paused, thinking about what to say next.

“at least i have a family to reconnect with.”

but by the way mina’s skin paled

_shit_

okay maybe then was when nayeon realised she’d crossed the line.  
mina’s fingers stopped moving, her eyes stayed unblinking, and she didn’t even react when her character was robbed and killed for the second time.

“fuck, mina, i’m so sor-”  
“you’re a real fucking bitch, nayeon park”  
“excuse me?”  
“and to think i looked up to you, why am i so _stupid_ ”  
“mina-”

the younger of the two flung her headset down and stood up from her gaming chair.

“you _know_ what it’s like to be adopted, but what you _don’t_ know is what it’s like to not even have a family that can give you up in the first place, to be taken straight from an incubator to a foster home nayeon it’s _painful_ ,”

mina’s eyes glassed over.

“and i thought i could trust you not to bring it up”  
“pingu-”

but she didn’t get to finish, because mina had planted a harsh slap across nayeon’s cheek, teeth gritting and eyes steaming.  
it was a shock, to nayeon.  
yeah, it hurt her face, but it hurt her heart more.  
she and mina had _never_ laid a finger on each other before.  
they weren’t typical sisters, the only arguments they had were over who loved the other more, and the only fights they ever got into was when nayeon was the evil dragon keeping nurse minguin hostage and mina was the brave night coming to rescue her, spatula sword in hand and spaghetti strainer helmet to protect her head.  
mina always understood that nayeon had a bad past with abuse, and coupled with her anxiety if anyone ever even slightly flinched their arm in her direction she would have a panic attack, and she understood.  
but maybe mina crossed the line too, because if nayeon had breached the boundaries and spoke about mina’s familial situation, then why couldn’t she do it too?

“fuck you, mina myoui, seriously _fuck_ you”

and nayeon stormed out, forgetting her phone and hardly being able to control the tears that spilled down her cheeks.  
but mina wasn’t finished.  
she ran forward, grabbing the back of nayeon’s shirt and pulling on it.  
mina swore she hadn’t meant to pull her hair, but when nayeon yelped in pain it was evident she had.  
nayeon hardly thought twice, spinning round with fury in her eyes.

“you’re gonna regret that”

and she slapped mina.  
now mina was completely aware of the fact that if they got into a fight, it was obvious that her twenty one year old much bigger and stronger sister would beat her, the pale gamer runt;  
so mina pulled her hair again,

nayeon kicked her shin,  
then mina shoved her,  
so nayeon pulled her down with her,  
mina scratched nayeon's neck and cheeks,  
so nayeon punched her on the nose,  
mina pinned nayeon’s arms to the ground,  
nayeon tried to fight back,   
and that’s when panic set in.  
suddenly nayeon was transported back to a time, when she was in a similar position.  
it was her father.  
he was there, and it felt so _real_.  
nayeon was about four, and he had pinned her to the ground with heavy boxes.  
she cried out for help, she could hardly breathe, she thought she was going to die.  
and as he blindfolded her and knocked her head against the ground, nayeon swore she’d saw her life flash before her eyes.

“FUCK FUCK NO MINA GET OFF GET OFF PLEASE PLEASE I’M SORRY”

she snapped out of it, the same strangling feeling and weight returning to her throat.  
struggling to breathe, nayeon thrashed about wildly with her legs.  
mina jumped back in sudden terror.  
this was the worst nayeon had ever looked.  
she had blood on her face from the animalistic scratches, here eyes were huge and drenched with fear, her chest was heaving as she fought for air and her hand’s were tangled in her hair.

“nayeon!? oh my god i’m sorry,”

mina cried out, forgetting all about their stupid little spit and breaking down into fresh tears.

”please don’t die”

but nayeon probably couldn’t even hear her she was screaming so loudly.  
suddenly mina got an idea, scrambling over to her big sister’s side and cradling nayeon’s face with her hands.  
nayeon tried to pull away, and in retrospect mina probably should’ve let her, but instead the japanese girl held on tight.

“deep breaths, yeonnie, deep breaths”

she tried.  
for a split second she swore she saw the fire dim in nayeon’s eyes, but it didn’t last long.  
mina’s attempts were in vain, nayeon just kept making more and more of an uncontrollable scene.

and what a scene it was.

there was mina, with her knees up to her chest and blood dripping from her nose silently crying, ray the dog was curled up on the couch with worried eyes pointed nayeon’s way, and nayeon herself was rested against the couch, sobbing and choking on air, then there was jeongyeon, running in the doorway and dropping to her knees to cradle nayeon in her arms.

“mum”

the eldest weakly mumbled, completely exhausted from the attack.

“It’s okay, princess, you’re okay,”

mina hated how jeongyeon didn’t even stop to ask what happened.  
 _shout at me_  
she begged in her head  
 _yell at me, be mad at me, punish me, do anything except ignore me_  
“deep breaths”  
mina tried not to cry too loudly, afraid of attracting attention away from nayeon, who clearly needed it more.  
but she couldn’t help it.  
she may’ve been fourteen, but she was still a little girl with fears and worries and tears to cry.  
maybe that’s why it hurt the most when jeongyeon stood up, carrying a broken nayeon in her arms, and walked straight past mina, not even stopping to see if she was okay.  
but that was fine, mina could just pretend like jihyo was there.

pretend like she was wrapped in those big, strong arms with a kiss on her forehead, pretend like jihyo was mopping up the blood and telling her not to worry, that nayeon would be okay and jeongyeon would come round, but that she still needed to make a profuse apology, but that’s just pretend.  
that’s why mina’s all alone now.  
even ray hopped off the couch to follow nayeon.


	13. stay with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mina realises that she shouldn't always be the first to blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more m i h y u n

  
“ _fucking idiot_ ”

  
mina whispered to herself, a tremor in her voice as she curled up tighter against the wall of the art floor store cupboard.  
she’d probably missed what, up to third period by now?  
who knows.  
they’ve probably called jeongyeon, had her worried sick on top of taking care of nayeon, but for once mina didn’t even bother to think about them.  
although she did have a certain someone running through her mind.  
someone who’s probably worried about her.  
someone who probably sat alone in music.  
someone who probably had to take the bullying on her own.  
someone with pale skin, a passion for cello, and a fixation on becoming mina’s best friend.  
someone named dahyun.  
goddamit  
mina sniffed once more, wincing at the pain in her nose but hardly caring and reaching up to wipe the tears off her face.  
she was crying, quite clearly, and the reason why lay in a hospital bed three streets away.  
it was nayeon.  
nayeon who’d hurt herself during the intense attack she had after the sisters fight, so when jeongyeon went to wake her up the next day and she was panicking again, hardly breathing and face turning blue.  
doctors say she might have asthma that gets triggered during attacks.  
still, it was mina’s fault she was there.  
mina started it.  
mina hit her first.  
now mina was sobbing pathetically in a supply cupboard with a patched up nose, a bruised cheek, and a head full of stupid thoughts.

  
“no, miss, i promise you i saw her walk in this morning”

  
mina froze.  
it was dahyun’s voice  
right outside the door.

  
“she can’t have gone home, we had assembly, and i watched her head down to music, but then she just disappeared”

  
mina tried to stay quiet, but her nose was running badly, and there was a sob ready to come out.  
she let it go, and all conversation halted.  
there were quiet whispers, then mina felt someone tug at the door.

  
“but it’s locked”

exactly, and mina held the only key in her right hand.  
she’d stolen it from the cleaners, but that doesn’t matter.

“the cleaners have got the key, i’ll go and fetch it”

she heard the teacher say, and then walk off purposefully.  
mina waited until the footsteps were far away enough and quickly shoved the key into the lock.

“dahyun”

the younger girl jumped, eyes wide as she stared down at mina, then breathed a huge sigh of relief.

“mina, oh my god, mina, you terrified me, i was all alone and i thought you went missing and- woah what happened to your face?”

mina just shook her head as a single tear escaped.  
she gestured for dahyun to join her in the cupboard, which dahyun had absolutely no objection to, and the two ended up face to face, dahyun almost sat in mina’s lap from the lack of space.

“is there anything you want to tell me?”

dahyun whispered gently.  
but mina didn’t respond, and dahyun understood that.  
it was mina’s favourite thing about her.  
 _no questions_  
dahyun just let her cry for a minute, stroking one thumb over mina’s knee, swiping the hair from her face when it got into her eyes.

“you okay?”

her voice was soft, gentle, and if you breathed too loudly you’d miss the hint of pure affection mixed with care coupled with concern.  
maybe that was mina’s favourite thing.

“mhm.”  
“ready to talk?”

mina nodded and went to wipe her tears, but dahyun spotted how irritated her cheeks were becoming from being consistently rubbed at with the harsh edges of mina’s blazer, and instead produced a tissue pack from her skirt.  
without words mina managed to say thank you and carefully compose herself.

“i hurt my big sister.”

dahyun didn’t really know what to say to that, and mina took that as a hint to elaborate.

“i said stupid things then hit her, which is about the worst thing you could do to someone like nayeon park”  
“what’s nayeon park like, then?”

mina noticed the genuine concern and interest on dahyun’s face hidden with a forced half smile.  
it broke her.  
then it all came out.

“i was wondering how long it would be before i let myself go and just told you my entire fucking stupid sad life story, and i guess it’s now, now that i tell you that i’m adopted, we both are, she’s korean just like our parents, only our mummy died three years ago, so now we only have our mum left, i’m the only japanese one, i went straight from birth to a foster home, nayeon came from an abusive family and lost contact with her real big sister, who was the first person she ever learnt to trust, and i  _hit_  her, dahyun, i told her that it’d be smart to regain contact and then i _hit_ her, what the fuck is wrong with me?”

  
the younger girl really didn’t know what to do, for she came from a nuclear household;  
one big brother who was in the army right now and frequently volunteered at animal shelters in his spare time, dahyun herself getting straight a’s, skipping a year in one subject and being a musician to be proud of and never straying from one simple sweet aesthetic, their parents were still happily married, they had steady money, they were christian and regularly visited church, they had a sweet little dog named ahri, and lived in quite a big house.  
she hadn’t realised that her new friend’s life was any different.  
but then dahyun said what mina hadn’t even thought about.

“why did you hit her?”  
“what?”  
“why did you hit your sister?”

of course mina knew why, because nayeon had mocked her for being given up at birth, but she’d never dwelled on it, pushing the blame straight onto her own shoulders.

“i, i guess she said something mean to me.”  
“are you okay with telling me what she said?”  
“she made fun of me because i don’t have any real family to reconnect with”

dahyun sucked in her breath, sensing the severity of what nayeon had said to her.

“whew, okay, that’s, uhm, that’s a lot, but i can say i understand why you did what you did,”

mina raised one eyebrow quizzically at her.

“okay granted it wasn’t right in the long run, and i don’t condone it, but her words got to you, they probably hurt, right?”

with a shy nod, mina laid her head on dahyun’s shoulder.

“you were just scared of thinking too much about it, and it got to you. you're not a bad person, mina, you're just not perhaps used to a situation where your past is brought up like that”

no matter how much mina wanted to deny it, how much she wanted to push dahyun away just so she wouldn't have to talk about it, mina couldn't deny that she had a point.  
she wasn't used to it, and she got overwhelmed in the moment.  
it wasn't all her fault.  
 _it wasn't all her fault_

“dahyun?”  
“mhm?”  
“stay with me.”

dahyun inhaled to respond, but then

“dahyun? are you anywhere here? the cleaner didn’t have the key”

the sound of the teacher searching for the younger girl made the pair giggle through tears.

“oh, mina”

dahyun sighed, settling her head in the crook of mina’s neck.  
mina didn’t need to say anything back.  
they were fine like that.  
even if the school was currently calling the girl’s parents to report them missing.


	14. i'm gay, apparently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mina takes a little truth stretching a bit too far and discovers something she'd never even considered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hardly lives up to my original ideas, but it'll do.

nayeon didn’t even have to say anything for mina to know it was one of those days.  
just walking into her younger sister’s room, curling up next to her on the bed and closing her eyes was enough for mina to put down whatever she was doing and gently lay a hand on nayeon’s shoulder.  
this time it wasn’t anything too personal that upset nayeon, but a lot had caught up to her.  
maybe it was that her only friend was a weird japanese girl that still played pokemon go, maybe it was her anxiety, maybe it was her past, joohyun perhaps, maybe it was jihyo, maybe it was just an off day.  
mina knew just how to make it better.  
she cleared her throat nervously, swallowing before speaking.

“you wanna know a secret?”

the girl under mina’s hand raised one eyebrow and turned her head in curiosity.

“sure…”

nayeon said unsurely.  
unfortunately, mina had thought this far ahead.  
 _what secrets did she have…_

“you ready to hear it?”

_fuck she was running out of time_

“spit it out, then”

_come on, myoui, think_

“you’re sure?”

_got it!_

“you’re wasting my time, just tell me”

_here goes nothing_

“i have a crush.”

and the air in the room suddenly felt so much hotter than it had before.  
to mina, the earth stopped spinning and her ears just became speakers for her thumping heartbeat.  
she had no idea if her own words were true, she’d just made it up on the spot.  
 _fuck..._

“oh my god mitang are you serious?!”

i can only make it worse at this point…

“there’s this person i like at school.”

_she knows i hate everyone at that school how the fuck do i convince her i’ve suddenly fallen for one of them?!_

“you better not be fucking with me because i have so much to say right now.”

“no, please do say”  
mina was only digging her grave deeper at this point, but she had to cheer nayeon up somehow, right?  
 _right?_

“first, describe him to me, and tell me why you suddenly fell for one of those, you said and i quote, greasy teenage hornbags?”

“i don’t sound like that”

the younger girl lowered her voice at the crude impression of her.

“whatever, now describe him.”

honestly, this is where mina panicked.  
it wasn’t her fault.  
how on earth was she supposed to create a random person in her mind to convince her sister on the spot?  
it wasn’t possible.  
so brace yourself, because what mina said next was a complete deal breaker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“i never said it was a boy.”

_WHAT THE LITERAL FUCKING SHIT MYOUI!?_  
told you she panicked.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD MINA YOU’RE A LE-”

quickly mina shoved a pillow in nayeon’s face so that jeongyeon wouldn’t hear her.  
obviously she knew jeongyeon would accept it, since she’s a lesbian herself, but right now all the confession was was a panicked scramble for an answer from mina.

“would you please not yell, you’re, uh, the first person i’ve told”

_first right beside me_

“okay fine, but you seriously need to give me all those juicy details”

nayeon crossed her legs like a child, hugging the pillow to her chest and uncontrollably smiling.  
it wasn’t as if mina could just tell her it was a joke or a lie, she looked too happy and mina knew even the slightest thing could put nayeon back in her mood.  
so mina just swallowed the lump in her throat and went with it.  
now she just needed a girl to pretend she’s in love with  
 _hm..._

“her name’s dahyun”

_F U C K_   
nayeon let out a tiny squeal and her eyes lit up.  
she just looked so happy.  
 _go with it_

“she’s in my music class, she skipped a year of music because of her talent at cello and her perfect pitch, she-”

“YOU’VE BEEN EYEBALLING A YEAR NINE?! THAT’S FORBIDDEN TERRITORY FOR A YEAR TEN YOU FOO-”

“nayeon! please, calm down, it’s only one years difference”

“well it’ll certainly feel more than a year when she’s in uniform complaining about gcse’s and you’re cranking up to sixth form in sweatpants with a-levels to worry about”

“shut up, that’s only one year, anyway, as i was saying, she’s sweet, she’s quite pale and gets bullied a lot by the same boys,-”

“they’re still at that racism thing?”

nayeon’s voice suddenly went low, her eyes softening in concern and one hand resting on mina’s knee.

“yes, but it’s okay, i’m proud of being japanese and i just ignore them, and i’ve taught dahyun how to do the same, now would you let me finish?”

“wait what’s her name again?”

“dahyun kim.”

“she’s korean?”

mina nodded.

“her parents and brother were born and raised there, but she was born in liverpool and raised in london”

“do you know if she speaks any korean?”

“her parents probably speak it at home with her and her brother, but i’ve only ever heard english come out of her mouth”

mina felt a little _too_ carried away, but she’d never realised how much she had to say about dahyun.

“she’s small and precious, she’s got this big, shiny smile that makes you happy just looking at it, and her eyes are bright and honest and she’s got this monolid which makes her have an eye smile too, and she’s so curious about everything and keeps asking questions but i don’t mind because she’s cute and kind of reminds me of your friend sana, you know like the world doesn’t deserve her and she’s got so much energy and happiness it just makes you want to hug her and-”

“you’ve got it _bad_ , myoui”

nayeon stopped her, a smug grin on her face. a blush made it’s way up mina’s neck and she knew something was up with her.  
nobody speaks that in depth about just a friend.

“ _fuck_ ”

mina whispered quietly, but nayeon misunderstood completely.

“ahhh, is our pingu-chan shy? ooooooh, you’re in _looovvvee_ ”

but what mina was actually thinking about was how she literally just found out she was gay through something that was meant to be a little white lie to cheer her big sister up.

“mmmhmmmhmhm”

the younger girl whined, leaning on nayeon’s shoulder with the blush never leaving.

“you wanna know something?”

she lifted her head, suspicious and with one eyebrow raised.

“whaaatt?”

mina didn’t trust this; not one bit.

“sana and i aren’t dating, but we’re just a tad more than friends”

it took a second for it to set in.

“wait, so you’re like, what’s the word, f- WAIT EW NAYEON WHAT?!?!”

she flung a pillow at the older girl who just laughed.  
nothing could even _begin_ to describe the confusion mina felt.

“chill, chill, we’re just making each other happy,”

there was a pause where mina had a bad feeling as nayeon’s grin widened.

“you know, _really_ happy”

and then she _winked_. soon after a collection of about fifty thousand pillows that were somehow produced from thin air struck nayeon in the face, and she forgot about her bad mood and mina about her sudden revelation.  
probably for the better, let’s be honest.

 

**Author's Note:**

> please show this book lots of love! once family, i love you all!


End file.
